


a pocketful of reasons why

by yestoday



Category: UP10TION
Genre: M/M, a half-assed attempt at angst, a huge mess, i still love him though, jinwook is done, the epilogue is a mess, wooseok is confused, yein's mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:22:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8596072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yestoday/pseuds/yestoday
Summary: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.(Or, Wooseok meant to play hard to get, not impossible to get.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this](https://twitter.com/lipstar_950802/status/801473783110303745) because I love on-off hot-cold up-down woohoo

Wooseok feels eyes burning into the back of his head, but he refuses to turn around and look. He already knows who it is, anyway, and he can't help the small smile that tugs up the corners of his mouth.

 

Wooseok ruffles Dongyeol's hair playfully, tightening his hold when the maknae tries to squirm away.

 

"Hyung!" Dongyeol complains, but he's smiling. "Hwanhee-ah, help me!"

 

"Sorry, Yeollie, I don't feel like getting strangled tonight!" Hwanhee calls back from across the practice room, lounging against Sungjun.

 

So Dongyeol ends up having to stay with Wooseok's arms around him, tugging him closer until he grudgingly climbs into Wooseok's lap.

 

"Break's over!" The voice of their leader rings out throughout the room, met with groans and whines.

 

"What? Don't you want to do well for the comeback? I thought we wanted to go to MAMA 2017? That means we have to practice." Jinwook's voice is a little sharper than usual. He usually allows Sooil to do the lecturing, but Wooseok knows exactly why Jinwook's so on edge this time around.

 

The members get up, some a little more painfully than others, and shuffle into formation. Dongyeol gets up and offers a hand to Wooseok, who takes it and lets the younger haul him up.

 

As an afterthought, a finishing touch, Wooseok pecks Dongyeol on the cheek before going to his place.

 

Jinwook's hand slams down on the play button of the stereo player unnecessarily hard, and Wooseok grins.

 

* * *

 

Wooseok waits for the bus back to the dorm with the rest of the members. He's hovering behind Jinwook, expecting the leader to turn around and ask him, as he always does with hopeful eyes, whether he wants to sit with him on the bus.  

 

However, the brunet doesn't turn around. He stands stiffly, hands in his pockets as he talks to Minsoo in low tones.

 

When the bus comes, Wooseok is sure Jinwook will turn around to ask him. He's still standing behind Jinwook when the elder, without even sparing a glance backward, heads for the bus. He climbs on quickly, and Wooseok sees him head for the back row through the bus window.

 

That's odd. Jinwook usually likes sitting at the double seats, and he always asks Wooseok to sit with him. Not that the 96' liner normally agrees to the request.

 

Wooseok hears a bark of laughter from his left, and turns to see Minsoo grinning a Cheshire grin at him. 

 

"What?" He feels the need to ask.

 

"Nothing," Minsoo snickers. "It's just funny to see you watching Jin-hyung instead of the other way around for once."

 

Minsoo heads off to the bus, following the others. Wooseok is left straggling behind, climbing on last to see Jinwook laughing at something Gyujin said. 

 

Wooseok primly sits down in the middle of the bus, ignoring the way his heart does a little gymnastic flip at the sound of Jinwook's laughter.

 

* * *

 

Something is definitely wrong. Jinwook doesn't even look at him anymore. He used to be inseparable from Wooseok during fansigns, playing to the crowd with skinship. Sometimes Wooseok let him, allowing Jinwook to hold his hand and move his face a hair's breadth away from Wooseok's.

 

And sometimes Wooseok pushed him away, leaning away from Jinwook, ignoring him in favor of the maknaes. Once he even pointedly gave Jinwook's hand back to him when it rested on his shoulder. The thing is, Wooseok has grown so accustomed to Jinwook's presence beside him, that it unsettles him to see the leader at the other end of the line, posing for pictures with Sooil.

 

"Okay, spill," Yein (who is arguably Wooseok's best friend) says next to him. They're standing off to the side while Changhyun showcases some of the moves from the new dance. "What's wrong?"

 

"Nothing. Shut up." Wooseok answers rather childishly, but he can't bring himself to care. 

 

Yein snorts. "Sure. So does your sudden mood have anything to do with Jin-hyung ignoring you?"

 

"I'm not in a mood," Wooseok says sullenly. 

 

"Oh, so you're upset that Jin-hyung decided to stop following you around like a lost puppy," Yein goes on, not paying any attention to Wooseok at all. So much for best friends. "Now my question is, why should you be upset when you were always pushing him away before?"

 

That makes Wooseok stop and think. 

 

It's hard to put a label to his and Jinwook's relationship. Coworkers, first and foremost, but Jinwook has a rather obvious crush on Wooseok and that makes things complicated. Especially because Wooseok himself is particularly terrible at making decisions and sorting out his feelings for himself, etcetera. 

 

After many long hours of reflecting and nearly tearing his hair out with Yein dryly listening and offering sardonic advice, Wooseok had come to the conclusion that he doesn't hate Jinwook. His feelings hover around the 'tolerant' range, leaning more towards 'reciprocation' with just a smidge of 'butterflies in the stomach when he laughs' thrown into the mix.

 

It's not like Wooseok's never had a crush. He's had quite a few, on girls and guys, but none of them had ever come close to the intensity of the things he feels for Jinwook.

 

That scares Wooseok, just a little. It's even worse that he's never been very good at expressing those feelings, so he hides them. He treats it all like a joke, playing it up for the fans in front of cameras and ignoring the way Jinwook's smile falters when he slides out from under his arm when the camera turns off. Wooseok resists the urge to lean in even closer when Jinwook grabs his hand and pulls his face close. He masks the fact that he doesn't know what to do, by smirking and pretending that he does.

 

And time and time again, Jinwook isn't deterred. He doesn't let go of Wooseok, even when the younger basically plucks his heartstrings like those of a guitar.

 

How do you define that relationship?

 

"I don't know," Wooseok says, because he doesn't know the answers to both Yein's question and his own.

 

* * *

 

It's been a whole week since Jinwook started ignoring Wooseok, an event dubbed 'The Great Revolution' by Yein. Wooseok tells him that's a dumb name. Yein shrugs and goes back to cuddling with Sungjun.

 

Wooseok is starting to feel the loss of Jinwook's presence. It's not just on camera. Even off screen, where Jinwook would usually attempt to backhug Wooseok in the practice room or sit next to him in the living room, he doesn't anymore. It's been getting kind of cold lately.

 

Wooseok sometimes finds himself staring at Jinwook when they come back later than usual, at 3 or 4 in the morning. He'd busy himself with putting things in order around the dorm, hustling people into the shower and setting the mattresses up for them when they came out. The other members would usually be too tired to think straight, but Jinwook just shoulders the burden of taking care of them all.

 

He's a good leader like that. He doesn't hold a candle to the whole age order setup. He just wants the members to be showered and rested and in bed as soon as possible. Wooseok feels all warm inside, suddenly.

 

It's an unfamiliar feeling, to be  _missing_ Jinwook, especially when the leader is always right there. It's not the same, though. There's something off, something different, and Wooseok doesn't like it.

 

* * *

 

It's been two weeks. Wooseok starts contemplating actually voicing his feelings and talking to Jinwook about it.

 

Yein is completely unhelpful about the whole affair ( _seriously, what kind of a best friend_ ). "Idiot," he pokes Wooseok's cheek, but in that oddly comforting way that only Yein can achieve while still dealing bodily harm to someone.

 

* * *

 

It's been a whole fucking month and Wooseok is about to self-combust.

 

Jinwook hasn't spoken to him at all, except to tell him to shower, or to request for the salt, or to instruct him where to go. He hasn't hugged Wooseok, hasn't even touched Wooseok, hell Wooseok is fairly sure he hasn't made proper eye contact with Jinwook since the beginning of 'The Great Revolution'.

 

It's gotten so bad, the air around them is so charged with tension (no pun intended) that the maknaes have taken to scattering whenever they see Jinwook stiffly talking to Wooseok. Wisely, though, no one makes any remarks on the situation.

 

Except, of course, for Seon Yein.

 

"Why won't you just talk to him?" Yein suggests idly one day as they sit in the bus while everyone else snoozes around them. "Sort this mess out, find out why he's like this. Maybe, oh I don't know, tell him you like him back."

 

"But I don't," Wooseok protests, and it sounds weak even to his own ears. "Do I?"

 

"Oh, no," Yein sits up sharply. "I did not spend the last few days listening to you whine about how cold it is and how weird you feel, to hear you tell me you don't like Jinwook."

 

Acting on pure instinct alone, Wooseok throws his arms up to protect his face. Yein has been known to get violent.

 

Yein rolls his eyes. "You're so dumb, you know?"

 

* * *

 

Although he rarely does otherwise, Wooseok thinks about Yein's words. 

 

Jinwook makes him feel weird. Like his heart is beating way too quickly to be normal. Like he's weightless and floating through the air. Like he just can't help but smile.

 

And when Jinwook is swimming in those hoodies that are just too big for him, Wooseok wants to cuddle him and hold him and protect him forever.

 

He winces. Yeah, definitely _weird_.

 

Maybe he is an emotionally constipated fool in love with a boy who's too good for him.

 

Too good, as in Jinwook's only flaw is that he's too goddamn perfect. And yet, Jinwook likes Wooseok; Wooseok, a shambling wreck of a human being.

 

Funny how the world works that way.

 

* * *

 

 It's a Friday and by some odd coincidence of fate (or a rather intense game of rock paper scissors) Jinwook is sent out to get ice cream and cup noodles along with Wooseok.

 

The latter complains of course, yelling at the two maknaes to "do your job!" to which Hwanhee playfully replies that their job is singing better than Wooseok (oh, he almost launches himself at the older maknae for that one).

 

So it's Wooseok and Jinwook who are out on the streets, bundled up in their jackets and hoodies, shuffling along in silence. 

 

Wooseok chances a glance to the side. The leader is looking straight, mouth set in a line. Clearly, he's not going to talk first, which means he's still mad at Wooseok.

 

Why, exactly, is he still mad at Wooseok? 'Still' being the operative word here, because it's not like Jinwook never got annoyed when Wooseok blew him off or purposefully made him jealous. It's never lasted this long, though. It's never seemed so final.

 

"Hyung, why are you mad at me?"

 

Jinwook practically jumps (it's so freaking cute) and turns to look at Wooseok. "I'm not mad at you," he says evenly.

 

Wooseok almost laughs. "Yeah, right. So why exactly have you been ignoring me for the past century?" 

 

"It hasn't been a century," Jinwook points out, and Wooseok wants to punch him, or hug him, he can't really decide.

 

"You know what I mean," he answers instead, knowing that Jinwook does because he always does.

 

The elder is silent for a long while. They've stopped walking by now, the convenience store in sight up ahead. 

 

"Seok, why do I even bother?" Jinwook finally sighs out, and it's a long, drawn-out sigh. "You evidently don't reciprocate my feelings, so why should I keep pushing? All I do is annoy you and get rejected."

 

Wooseok can't see his hands, because his sleeves are too long for him (sweater paws, Wooseok wants to melt) but he's certain Jinwook's balled his fists, clenching his nails into crescents on his palm.

 

"So, I just decided to give up. You're a lot happier now, aren't you? Nobody's around to stop you from having fun with Yeol and Yeinnie." There's a tinge of bitterness in Jinwook's voice. 

 

Sometimes, Wooseok thinks Jinwook's like a roly poly. Even if he gets pushed back, he still gets up again. This time, though, this time he's done.

 

"Oh," Wooseok says in a small voice, because that's all he can think to do.

 

Jinwook laughs mirthlessly. "Kim Wooseok, you're out of my league. So I'm not gonna try to reach you anymore."

 

Wooseok nods, then they get the ice cream and the cup noodles and return to the dorm, and that's that.

 

* * *

 

Except that's not that because that isn't what Wooseok wants.

 

He can't do this 'feelings' thing. But for Jinwook (fucking perfect Jinwook) he'll try. He won't just let it go, not this time.

 

How to go about doing it, that's a whole other question. Wooseok doesn't think there are cards for 'Sorry I Royally Screwed Up and Played With Your Heart But Actually I Like You Very Much' in the supermarket.

 

It's all becoming so startlingly clear that Wooseok can't believe he's spent so much time mulling over uncertainty. He likes Jinwook, and he wants Jinwook, and he's going to fix this.

 

He contemplates flowers, chocolate, a big fluffy teddy bear roughly the same height as Jinwook, even considers writing a song. He chews on the end of his pen, staring at blank sheets of paper, and gives up.

 

Throughout all this, Jinwook still doesn't talk to him. It's driving Wooseok crazy, which is saying something because he normally isn't one to be starved for skinship.

 

He misses having Jinwook curled up next to him on the couch, yawning in that adorable way of his; misses the hopeful glint in the elder's eye whenever he asks Wooseok to do something with him; he even misses the warmth of Jinwook's palm in his, because while the leader used to make concerted efforts to intertwine his fingers with his, he doesn't anymore.

 

It goes on until one day during a grueling practice, Jinwook calls for a break. As the others head over to get water or simply just drop onto the floor where they are, Wooseok watches Jinwook slump against the black wall. He's exhausted, more than everyone else, and Wooseok knows it's because he slept at 5am, preoccupied with ensuring everyone got into bed safely, packing breakfast for the following day because practice started at 7am and they wouldn't have time to sit down and eat.

 

And then Wooseok doesn't know what comes over him, but he's walking towards Jinwook and grabbing his chin to tilt his head up and he's kissing him.

 

The leader doesn't pull away, though. He just wraps an arm around Wooseok and pulls him closer. Behind him, Wooseok hears a water bottle clatter onto the floor.

 

Wooseok never wants to pull away from the warm feeling of Jinwook holding him, the heat of his mouth against Wooseok's. Unfortunately though, the need for oxygen calls, and he ends up breaking away gasping for breath. He's not entirely sure whether the red on his cheeks is a result of the lack of air or something else.

 

Jinwook is staring at him. Carefully, he pushes Wooseok away and stands straight. "You can't do that if you don't mean it," Jinwook says calmly, but Wooseok sees the tremor of his lips, kissed red and swollen.

 

Without another word, Jinwook walks out of the practice room, leaving Wooseok to face a roomful of stunned members.

 

"It-" Wooseok starts to say, but he doesn't know how to continue, so he stops.

 

It's Yein who rolls his eyes, mutters something under his breath and then steps forward to shove Wooseok towards the door. "Go, you numskull," he commands, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

 

Wooseok goes.

 

Jinwook's sitting in the vocal lesson room, thrumming his fingers on the grand piano in the corner. He looks distracted, but his head snaps up when he hears the door open.

 

"Um..." Wooseok wavers, unsure of himself. Jinwook doesn't look like he wants him here, but he's not chasing the younger out either. "What if I meant it?"

 

"Meant what?" Jinwook answers quickly, hopefully, and Wooseok feels his shoulders lift because at least he still has a chance.

 

"Like. You know. Back in the practice room, the-" he gestures to his lips awkwardly. Jinwook looks like he's going to laugh. Wooseok wants to crawl into a hole.

 

"Did you though?" the leader turns to face Wooseok fully.

 

Wooseok doesn't think. He just nods. 

 

"So you-"

 

"I like you. And I'm an idiot. I didn't kiss you just to mess with you. I meant it." Wooseok's sentences are coming out in short, quick puffs. This whole thing is awfully new to him.

 

Jinwook nods, slowly. "And you want me to say I like you back, because you think I do, right?"

 

A part of Wooseok, a large part, shrivels up and dies. "I-I mean, you don't have to, you're not obliged to, in fact you probably won't, but-"

 

The elder smiles. "But I will. You idiot, I've liked you for a whole year. Do you know how fast my heart was beating when you kissed me?"

 

Wooseok thinks he's about to cry. He doesn't, of course; he just smiles back, relishing the moment.

 

Jinwook gets up and walks towards him. Wooseok's mind goes into overdrive, dreaming up ten different scenarios that could happen, but instead Jinwook just pecks Wooseok on the cheek and then goes to open the door.

 

Eight people come tumbling through the doorframe, landing in a heap on the ground. At the very bottom of the UP8TION pile are Hwanhee and Dongyeol, both groaning in pain. 

 

"What do you guys want now?" Jinwook shakes his head, but goes to help each and every one of them up. Wooseok's body warms at the sight. Jinwook's just so nice.

 

"I want the ten bucks Minsoo-hyung owes me because I said Wooseok-hyung would be awkward about it," Gyujin announces, grinning triumphantly.

 

"I bet twenty that they'd just smile stupidly at each other, pay up," Changhyun grins.

 

"I can't believe you said that Wooseok would cry, what were you thinking Yeol?" Sungjun snorts at the youngest, who pouts.

 

Then they hear a sniffle from behind Jinwook, and everybody turns to see Wooseok with his face buried in his hands, shoulders shaking.

 

"Hyung," Dongyeol says, stunned. "Hyung, are you okay?"

 

Wooseok looks up and he's smirking, face completely dry. "I can't believe you're all so gullible. Now, you can direct your money to Yein because he bet that I would fake crying, didn't he?"

 

"Yes!" Yein crows. He grins at Wooseok, "You're my best friend."

 

"Thanks for helping me get my head out of my ass," Wooseok answers simply.

 

Then, in the flurry of complaints and grumbling that "they set it up!", Wooseok goes and wraps his arm around Jinwook's shoulders, pulling him close to his side. Jinwook sighs and snakes an arm around Wooseok's waist, content.

 

"So, are you my boyfriend now?" Wooseok mumbles, low enough for only Jinwook to hear. 

 

The leader rolls his eyes. "If that was your attempt at asking me out, then... yeah."

 

The beautiful moment is broken up by Sooil's musing aloud. "I wonder who tops?"


	2. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of this little extra bit, slightly more nsfw

"What do you mean Jinwook tops?" Sooil's jaw drops. He turns to give Wooseok an incredulous look.

 

Wooseok glares while the leader just grins. "Isn't it obvious? It means I like taking it up the—"

 

"Okay!" Yein interrupts, covering Dongyeol's ears. "There are children here."

 

"I'm an adult, hyung!" Dongyeol whines in a very non-adult voice.

 

Hwanhee snorts. "Yeah right. You're about as mature as I am."

 

"Is that an insult?" Dongyeol raises an eyebrow at him, and it doesn't take long for Hwanhee to realize that the maknae is in fact insulting _him,_  so that's how the two end up squabbling on the floor.

 

Meanwhile, Sooil still looks shocked.

 

"I don't know, I've always thought that Jin-hyung would top," Changhyun throws out offhandedly as he walks in balancing bowls of popcorn in his arms. "What movie are we watching again?"

 

"Despicable Me," Yein replies, reaching for a bowl.

 

"Again?" Changhyun makes a face, giving out popcorn to the maknaes, who have made up in two seconds as always and are currently squished together on the couch.

 

"Yes, because Dongyeol chose it," Minsoo doesn't sound very happy about the fact either, but he just pops a piece of popcorn into his mouth contently. "Hey get off the couch, that's my seat."

 

"And we let Yeol choose the movie for movie night because..?" Changhyun asks.

 

"Family member of the week gets to choose," Jinwook recites.

 

"Yeol's always family member of the week," Gyujin chimes in, looking rather like he's eager to start a long-awaited revolution against the youngest.

 

"And there's a reason for that," Dongyeol points out, grinning widely.

 

"Yeah, it's because Hwanhee picks family member of the week," Wooseok points out, evidently relieved that the conversation is heading in a vastly different direction.

 

"Are you accusing me of nepotism?" Hwanhee demands.

 

"Well who knows what Dongyeol does to win family member of the week every single week," Sungjun comments, coming into the living room from the bathroom. "I clean the ceiling every day, why am I never family member of the week?"

 

"The ceiling doesn't need cleaning," Minsoo comments disinterestedly, lounging on the couch.

 

"You're not the one who has to touch it every time you stretch," Sungjun says defensively. 

 

"Can we oust Hwanhee as our impartial judge on grounds of corruption?" Gyujin declares. 

 

"Why are you all attacking me? Is Yeinnie-hyung the only one who loves me?" Hwanhee pouts. 

 

"Guys," Sooil interrupts, "The spawn of Satan is a bottom." He looks around like that's a very important piece of information.

 

Sungjun looks interested. "Oh, so Jinwook tops?"

 

"Jesus fucking Christ," Wooseok mutters, and there's a collective gasp around the room as Yein scrambles to cover Dongyeol's ears.

 

"Kim Wooseok!" Yein scolds. "Watch your damn language!"

 

"Can we move out?" Wooseok pleads with Jinwook.

 

The leader just laughs and rolls his eyes. "You love it here. Now shut up, I can't hear Gru's theme song."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um this isn't crack I swear.... who caught that easy a reference though


End file.
